| It’s
different – not necessarily bad different, not necessarily good
different, but different all the same.
Smile - you smile,
they smile – it really is that simple. You’ll get more help,
you’ll get better deals, they’ll think you’re funny and amusing,
you’ll do your bit for your country. Smile though your heart is
breaking – such wise words, especially when your backpack is bouncing
behind the bus at 40mph and a scruffy kid in a Liverpool shirt has your
fake Calvin Klein undies on his head. Regardless, keep smiling.
Be cool - yes it’s
hot and the locals are annoying but you don’t have to spend the rest
of your life travelling on this bus and there is no way that your life
is as crap as the woman at the roadside selling banana chips. The
old man with his elbow in your stomach is not being deliberately rude
– he just has a different concept of personal space. Of course,
there will be times when you are getting cruelly treated by a complete
tosser – the one who takes your bags and demands money, the one who
gets you on the bus and takes you in the opposite direction via his mate’s
house, the one who makes no apology for trying to rip you off with a
complete lack of charm – in these cases you are allowed to be firm,
and clear, and assertive, but don’t lose your cool – it’ll get you
nowhere and if they start losing face, you’re in trouble.
Getting ripped off
- it will happen – on the buses, in the market, organising a
trip. It’s all a question of degree. How do you avoid
it? Read the travel guides, talk to backpackers, find a friendly
local (whose ‘friend’ doesn’t have " … cheep room and he
get yooo good deel on trrransport …’). After a while you will
get a sense of what things should cost. The Indonesians respect
haggling so long as it is done in the right spirit – with a smile on
the face and healthy sense of competition. The tourists who pay
close to the asking price simply reinforce the idea that all westerners
are rich and stupid – a concept which does nobody any good and simply
encourages the less scrupulous Indonesians to view all tourists as
walking cashpoints.
The theory of
relativity - time is a relative concept – hours and minutes are
meaningless in Indonesia. Don’t believe a word and double any
amount of time they tell you.
The theory of
relativity 2 - every Indonesian has a relative who can provide you
with whatever you need - room, guide, transport, anything you need -
sometimes it works in your favour, sometimes not. From their point
of view, at least family values and a system of mutual support still
survives - maybe the west could learn something from this ....
Plan for failure
– your bus won’t arrive, you’ll lose your luggage, the ferry is
full, nobody cares about the time – if you assume that the two day
trip from Java to Lombok will take four days you will be pleasantly
surprised when it takes three. And if everything went okay all the time,
what would you have to talk about???
You will be ill -
if you’re lucky it will be minor, but it will happen. Drink lots
of bottled water, have a rest, you won’t feel like death forever.
You might die –
well you probably won’t but it certainly seems like it sometimes,
especially on the roads – make sure you have health insurance (and
have you done a will?).
The best – the
best beaches, the best views, the best volcanoes, the best sunsets, the
best time you’ve ever had – inspiring, exciting, thought-provoking,
relaxing, challenging, scary, amazing – what more do you want? |
Evidence
Diary of Abdul Mol aged 23:
- got up early in order
to wake up the chickens; used traditional method of singing tunelessly
through an old PA system – this had added benefit of disturbing the
tourists in my brother's guest house who mistakenly believed it was a call
to prayer – always important to keep the tourists a little weary as it
makes them slightly more susceptible to the amusing pranks we play on them
throughout the day;
- went to bus terminal
and hid all the clocks;
- smoking is still
cheap, smoked loads today; also amused myself by chewing betel nut - I
know it ruins my teeth but it also makes my mouth bright red and enables
me to spit a lot, which is nice - never did granny any harm;
- saw several
backpackers today; amused myself by alternately:
- staring at them,
- running after them
shouting 'meester, meester',
- sitting really really
close to them,
- attempting to sell
them a watch;
- had several sleeps
regardless of where I was; woke up at one point with my head on the
shoulder of a backpacker - seemed to freak him out a bit;
- got to drive friend’s
bus this afternoon - managed to break the record for most number of
vehicles overtaken whilst a truck is coming the other way, got pat on the
back from friend and made a backpacker cry with enjoyment; killed a dog;
- had a nice evening -
impressed a group of backpackers with my knowledge of David Bekkem and
Lady Dee – they clearly thought I was hilarious and taught me some
useful English phrases;
- spent rest of evening
shouting 'cheers mate' and ‘lovely jubbly’;
- had a sleep.
|
